Seasonal reading 5: Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

It was the night before Hogswatch. All through the house...
... one creature stirred. It was a mouse.

Image: hive.co.uk

In the city of Ankh Morpork, the chief of the Assassin's Guild, Lord Downey, has a visitor from the Auditors of Reality, who manage the Universe. They dislike humanity, because humans' unpredictability and illogicality interfere with their smooth bureaucracy. The epitome if the illogical nature of humans is their irrational belief; and this is exemplified in the Hogfather, Discworld's Father Christmas. The Auditors want the Hogfather done away with. Lord Downey can only think of one assassin who would do such a terrible thing: Mr Teatime (pronounced Te-ah Tim-eh). 

Meanwhile, Susan Sto Helit, Death's granddaughter, is working as a governess to a rather pretentious Ankh Morpork family. Their former governess has tried to discipline the children (Gawain and Twyla) by telling them that monsters would come for them if they weren't good, and Susan knows that it is futile to tell them otherwise. The children believe in the Hogfather, the Soul Cake Tuesday Duck and the Tooth Fairy, so why would they not believe in the Bogeyman, the Scissor Man who cuts the thumbs off thumb suckers and the step-on-the-crack bears? Instead, Susan kills them with the nursery poker.

The Hogfather disappears, and Death, always fascinated by humans, decides to take his role, with a cushion stuffed up his robe and riding the Hogfather's boar-pulled sleigh instead of his white horse, Binky. Death understands that since the Hogfather is the personification of Hogswatch rather than a living being, he cannot die, but if children stop believing in him he will disappear. He persuades Susan to find the Hogfather. Along the way she meets Bilious, the Oh God of hangovers, and together they travel to the land of the tooth fairy to confront Mr Teatime and his companions from the Guild of Thieves.

At the same time in the Unseen University, many strange Small Gods and personifications (such as the Verruca Gnome and the Cheerful Fairy) are being created due to the superfluous belief that has come about due to lack of belief in the Hogfather. Can Susan rescue the Hogfather, and can Death's rather over-literal interpretation of "it is better to give than to receive" save the day?

This is one of my favourite Discworld books, and is a staple of my Seasonal Reading. It is an adult book in the Discworld series (younger readers might prefer Wintersmith) but is perfectly accessible to confident readers of 12+. A TV dramatisation is available on DVD, as well. Enjoy it!

And don't forget to leave a pork pie for the Hogfather and turnips for the pigs.,